I feel like I came back home, but it’s new. I have different eyes about Alameda. I took it for granted before and now that we have come back I am starting over in a sense. My values have changed since I have had Adan. Well everything has changed, really… I am lucky. I hope I remember that, even on the bad days.
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I’m not sure you realize were we are headed… While looking for an apartment last week I received a big jolt about what’s to come. I was no longer Heather Stone – mother/student/unique individual. I was only a consumer and a credit score with a risk factor. It did not matter what my rental history was or that I was a good person with money in my account. The apartment manager’s kept telling me it was all about who you are on paper. I then started to pay attention to the guy at Walgreen’s who kept trying to get me to buy one last thing at the counter. Really? Up-selling even at Walgreen’s. Of course it did not stop there. Southwest tried to sell me on an upgraded seat and when that didn’t work he tried to sell me their credit card. I know you have felt this to, but the thing that gets me is I can see what’s coming and I can’t stop it. We are consumer’s now. We are told we must buy to stimulate the economy and we must have things so we are worth something. It makes me sad to think that all the little mom and pop stores that like serving people while making a living are becoming extinct. Is this really the world we want? I don’t and I will fight it as long as I can. Please.. buy local, buy second hand and say “hi” to the person behind the counter. It turned out better than I expected. We had some good Spanish food and REALLY good Sangria. I made some carrot cake cupcakes with whole wheat flower and apple sauce instead of sugar. Only a touch of frosting. Very good! I think he ate the whole thing. Adan Turns 1 on Saturday May 21st. It is so amazing how fast everything changes. You are always told about it, but you can never truly imagine until…. well you know. We are just having a small celebration of some family and a few friends. No big huge theme or elaborate gifts. Just a day of eating and drinking and celebrating the day my son was born.  My family! I have had PPD since Adan was born. At first I didn’t know I had it and then I was positive it was just sleep deprivation and if Adan could just sleep more than 2 hrs. everything would be fine. Well I still don’t know if sleep deprivation was the cause or a symptom or just a coincidence. I do know that once I started sleeping the depression did not go away. I chose not to take meds because I was breastfeeding and didn’t like the stats on transference through breast milk and I already gained 35 lbs., since Adan was born. I was afraid if I gained any more weight by taking Zoloft, the only anti depressant tested safe enough, I would be in worse shape mentally. I did not want to stop breastfeeding and I wasn’t even sure that would help since it was mostly the lack of sleep. I fought hard! We moved to get support from friends and family, I joined a fitness class and started to learn how to sleep again. It has taken some time… But I feel like I am working my way back into my life. I have gone through a lot this past year and lost a few friends and gained some new unexpected ones. I know that this sweet baby and suffering from PPD has changed me in so many ways. I hope while going to school for Social Work, that this is where I can put my energy and be the most help to others. There is so much info on PPD, but not enough support. I want to help change this. I want to help other families going through this. You shouldn’t have to pay $150 an hr. Once a week(if you don’t have that kind money). or take a pill or read a book (which by the way is IMPOSSIBLE when you have PPD). I believe we need more groups and more options for treatment and especially some groups for the members of the family that are dealing with a mom who has PPD. It is just as hard for them and like many of my friends and family, they did not understand! I was told some very hurtful things that made the depression worse. However, I do know that I was one of the lucky Moms who never had awful thoughts of bad things happening to my baby. My heart reaches out to those women that do and if you so happen upon my blog and you have PPD, email me. I have a ton of resources and can help direct you to get help. Thank you to the people who stood by me and helped in whatever way you could like, watching him so I could nap, or shower or take a deep breath, bringing us food on hard days and for just sitting with me and watching a movie or going to dinner with us and most importantly for listening to me and believing in me and knowing I could get through this, even when I wasn’t always sure. It was amazing to just have you there. And.. to my husband. Thank you for standing by me even when you didn’t understand. Thank you for letting me sleep in, in the mornings. You and Adan have an amazing bond because of the time you have spent with him. I love you!
I can feel such a difference when I have had a little sleep. I stop craving the carbs and sugar and feel like the world is not such a bad place. I start to think amazing things like how perfect your little baby body is and how I have always loved “flaws” in people because it makes them unique and yet you have none. I love how much you have your own character already. So amazing. Thank you for letting me be your jumperoo. Yesterday on our way out we took a little trip over to “Plum Organics” to see the new digs( There is so much I will miss about the bay area) Awesome place and awesome puffs. Adan loves them and even though I am doing baby led Weaning I still love the plum organic products. It is easy and convenient on the days where sleep hasn’t happened and I know I can’t cook. Jason and Adan have tried them all and both love it. Aside from the puffs I really like the “prunes” for some extra help for you know what.. and Adan likes them!! I don’t know what else to say…. I need a little help from my family. We are leaving a lot behind and I can only hope it is all worth it and we can start a new chapter in our life and Jason can now hopefully get an internship in what he graduated for. Wish us luck, we need it!  Adan's first food! Sweet Potato fries. When I explain Baby-led weaning to people they think it is an Italian dish! It’s not. It is all about giving baby real foods and finger foods instead of purees at 6 months. It is so amazing and totally makes sense. What did babies do when we had no blenders?! I have to say Adan has not met a veggie or fruit he hasn’t liked. I also am not a die hard and I do give purees from time to time. I just let him basically feed himself. FUN and MESSY!! Don’t take my word for it though. Read more like this book, “Baby Led-Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods-and Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater.” Here is the basic guidelines:
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